Category Archives: life stages

When Life Comes Apart (and How to Put It Together Again)

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Recovery from a Major Life Upheaval

We all have those moments – hopefully not too often (or we simply wouldn’t survive) – when everything, absolutely everything, comes apart all at once.

Moving-out - very suddenly!

Moving-out – very suddenly!

Our well-ordered and carefully-structured lives take a major tumble.

This is what happened to me, six months ago precisely.

The landlord let us know that he wasn’t renewing the lease. He wanted to sell the property, and tenants were just not a part of his game plan.

We had thirty days to get out.

Thirty days – in which to disassemble a household that had been built up for over ten years.

Almost everyone who had lived there, over the previous ten years, had left something behind. Sometimes large somethings, sometimes small.

The situation was – every nook and corner and cranny was filled with someone’s stuff.

Be Careful What You Ask For

For months prior to the great lease-termination-notice, my prayer to the Universe had been that I wanted to get lighter, tighter, and brighter.

I was really sincere about this prayer.

It became the underlying chord and theme for my life.

I had no idea, though, that the answer would involve such a sweeping, overwhelming, and life-altering change.

Getting Into Agreement

The first thing that I had to do – and I would recommend this to ANYONE who finds themselves suddenly in the maelstrom of an overwhelming life-change – was to get into alignment with it.

I had to let go of any resistance, any sense of fighting against this.

Some friends – sincere and helpful friends – wanted me to find legal recourses to delay the inevitable move. I knew in my gut that putting effort into this kind of resistance would be totally out of alignment with what the Universe was offering me.

Instead, I got into agreement with this, real fast.

I said in my heart, Yes, this is painful. Yes, this is disruptive. Yes, this is scary, and most of all – just massively uncomfortable.

But this is what I’ve called into my life, this is the answer to my prayers, and I’ll receive help and guidance – at all levels – and I’ll get through.

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And I DID receive help. HUGE help.

I’ve joked with friends many times since that members of the Angelic Team for Helping-People-with-Major-Life-Transitions deserved outstanding commendation letters in their personnel jackets, and maybe some serious time off. They certainly worked hard enough!

If I’d been in resistance – if I’d put my energy into wailing and whining, and saying how unfair all of this was – I wouldn’t have been open to the help that I received.

Instead, I began to see, recognize, and give thanks for the daily miracles.

These acts of help – many acts of spontaneous support and kindness, and many acts that were way beyond simple serendipity – were my new manna-from-heaven.

Every single day, whatever I needed for that day was brought to me. Boxes and packing materials. Help with packing. A meal. Someone stopping by to purchase something – occasionally out of the blue.

Every single day, I received the blessing that I needed for that day.

It was a magical and blessed (and of course totally exhausting) time.

Giving It Up – More than I Ever Imagined

On the road; me and five cats going west.

On the road; me and five cats going west.

But clearing out ten years (or more) of accumulated stuff was not easy.

I gave away over 250 books, keeping only those that were part of my scientific, creative, and inspirational life – and just a few “recreational reads.”

I sold, gave away, or left behind for others about 80% of my worldly goods.

Clothes, most personal items, scientific and technical and creative books and tools – they all came.

Everyday household items and tools – anything that could be purchased at a hardware store, department store, or major lifestyle items store – they were all released to the universe.

Every several days, we took a truckload to the dump. Every single day, we took an overflowing car or van to the local thrift store.

I held a garage sale, and sold belly dance costumes, resources, and plants.

Every person who was living with me found a soft landing – a new place, just as good (and perhaps even better for them) than what they’d had in my Household.

Every plant found a home. Amazing how readily people scooped up large, healthy plants!

No one wanted a cat. I tried hard to find homes for at least two. No takers.

Thirty days after I’d received notice, I was in a 16′ Budget truck, five cats in their respective cat carriers beside me in the front seat, on a highway going west.

Several hundred miles later, I pulled into my sister’s driveway, where she graciously welcomed me (and the five cats – sign of a true cat-lover) to stay with her until I could get a restart on life.

A Real Tower Moment

Yup, taking apart a living situation that had endured for a decade was a real Tower-moment.

The Tower (from the Major Arcana) symbolizes a time when our well-ordered lives come tumbling down.

The Tower (from the Major Arcana) symbolizes a time when our well-ordered lives come tumbling down.

It was total life-disruption.

Everything that I had – infrastructure, various jobs-while-writing, my total local support system – came tumbling down.

And – as is typical after a major Tower time – I was exhausted afterwards.

It’s taken me six months to rebuild the strength for connecting back with you.

There are some things to share, though. Really important stuff – because we all have these Tower moments in our lives.

They happen again and again. Big ones, small ones – they happen to us and the people in our lives.

And with the pace of life speeding up (yes, it is), they’re happening more and more often.

So the big question is, how do we deal?

Maybe even bigger: How do we recognize when such a moment is coming? How do we prepare?

And also, how do we recover/regroup/rebuild after?

How I Got My Mojo Back

In a word – exercise.

Daily walks, starting with a mile, going up to three, settling back to two. (Writer and creativity-teacher Julia Cameron calls this a daily Artist’s Walk.)

Daily walks coupled with yoga, then adding in resistance and core.

Then – and I’m not necessarily recommending this, just telling how what I did – adding in a spurt of sword-training and karate moves.

Yup, you heard me.

I’ve been a belly dancer for the past 30-odd years. I migrated to Oriental dance from the martial arts, where I’d begun with hard-style Shotokan karate, gone through softer forms, and finally ended up (I thought for good) in dance.

Dance is good for total body integration.

In fact, dance is good for a woman’s total emotional, energetic, and body integration. (That’s part of why I wrote Unveiling: The Inner Journey; to share that message.)

Heian Shodan - the first beginner's kata from the Shotokan karate tradition.

Heian Shodan – the first beginner’s kata from the Shotokan karate tradition.

But there I was, two weeks ago, out in the back yard doing Heian Shodan – the first beginner’s kata (choreographed movement series) from Shotokan karate.

Integration is good.

But recently, I’ve needed focus.

After a life-explosion, I’ve needed to be more yang than yin, and karate is one of those things that is helping me get there.

Evidence that this is working?

Well, I’m writing to you.

For the first time, in over six months.

Just to say hello, and to give you an update.

And to let you know that the next several blogs will have insights, ideas, and practices that will help you (or your loved ones), when these inevitable Tower moments happen.

Until our next time –

With love and laughter – Alay’nya

Cultivating Our Core Power Archetypes: First Stage in Becoming a "Master of the Universe"

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Six Core Power Archetypes: First Step in Mastery

Mastering ourselves is the first step in becoming a “Master of the Universe.”

The Kabbalistic Tree of Life: A Roadmap for Personal Mastery

Several millenia ago, some very insightful mystics and seers somehow discerned that the “roadmap to God-consciousness” (and complete mastery of who they were as human beings) could be described as traversing through various “centers” or “realms of existence.” They called these “centers” Sephiroth, and organized them in a map that has been called, throughout the ages, the Tree of Life.

There are ten Sephiroth. (These are the circles on the Tree of Life to the left.) Each Sephiroth represents something very specific – not only a “plane of existence” but also an aspect, or emanation, of God.

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The Kabbalistic Tree of Life

These aspects (Sephiroth) are organized in a logical manner. The “softer, gentler, kinder” ones comprise the Pillar of Mercy (on the right), and the “harsher,” more rigorous ones comprise the Pillar of Severity (on the left).

There are, potentially, 10×9/2 different connections between them. (Each one of the ten can connect with each of the remaining nine, and then these total paths need to be divided by two, so that they aren’t counted twice.) This means that there are potentially 45 different “connection paths.” In the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, though, only half of these paths – twenty-two of them – are actually defined and used.

This means that getting from one “center” (or state of consciousness, or realm of existence) to another is not just a “random-jump” sort of thing, but more like an ordered progression. Each step in this ordered progression has a certain meaning, and that meaning corresponds to an aspect of human experience. In fact, it corresponds to a significant step in our adult life journeys.

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The Three Adult Life-Journeys

The last blogpost discussed this Tree of Life, and how the Major Arcana (from the Tarot) relate to the pathways between the Sephiroth.

We identified three sequences of seven steps (Major Arcana) each. Each of these sequences is a major adult life journey. From the previous blogpost, we recall that these are:

  • The Worldly Sequence: We access and cultivate each of six Core Power Archetypes, and integrate them – we are able to use each one as appropriate.
  • Turning Inwards: We begin to release our ego. At the end of this sequence, we start to access and cultivate intrinsic life energy, or ch’i.
  • The Great Journey: A time of destroying the last of the old “structures” that keep us imprisoned, leading to full realization of our life’s purpose and being released to do our “great work.”

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The Worldly Sequence: Cultivating and Integrating Our Six Core Power Archetypes

Our first adult life journey takes us through the Worldly Sequence. During this time, we learn to cultivate each of the six Core Power Archetypes, plus a seventh step (integration):

  • Magician (Major Arcana Card I): Power to create “something from nothing.”
  • High Priestess (Major Arcana Card II): Contemplative inner wisdom.
  • Empress (Major Arcana Card III): Nurturing and caring; runs on oxytocin, the “bonding hormone.”
  • Emperor (Major Arcana Card IV): Strength, stability, structure, and order; the perennial “Program Manager,” thrives on building and maintaining structures and things (ranging from a business process to an actual empire).
  • Hierophant (Major Arcana Card V): One of the least understood but most important archetypes, this is the mentor/teacher/guide, typified by fictional characters ranging from Albus Dumbledore (in the Harry Potter series) to Mr. Miyagi (in the Karate Kid) to (of course) Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi (in Star Wars).
  • Love-Goddess (Major Arcana Card VI): All about pleasure and play; romance, love-making, sensual pleasure in all its forms; she runs on dopamine, the “ecstatic pleasure” hormone.

Various blogposts, as well as sections in Unveiling: The Inner Journey, have described these various archetypes, as well as the seventh step, integration.

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Becoming a "Master of the Universe": Three Essential Life-Stages

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The Three Essential Life Stages: Why You Need Each, and How They Empower You

Don’t we all harbor some secret longing to be a Master of the Universe?

Our ongoing fascination with (and often immersion in) the heroic actions of super-heroes tells us what is important to us: we desire to live a heroic life, to be much, much larger than the events and circumstances of our daily lives.

The way that we do this, in real life, is not to become a fantasy action-figure, but to go through each step of our adult life journey. This is actually a huge challenge, and one that taxes and challenges us as much as any story in myth or legend.

Low-resolution Masters of the Universe poster, from Wikipedia, under Fair Use Act, for educational and illustrative use.

Often, we have to wait until our children are grown and are careers are more-or-less stable. Then, we can begin devoting more attention to our “voyage of self-discovery.”

This is not something recent in human history. Rather, our most ancient stories and legends tell us about a Tree of Life that held the secrets of human experience.

The Kabbalistic Tree of Life Holds Guidance for Our Personal Growth

From the very earliest of human stories, we have held this “inner seeking” as finding the Tree of Life. Those of us who have done a little esoteric study know that this Tree of Life is a fundamental aspect of the Judaic Kabbalah. It represents the different “realms of existence,” through which our consciousness travels as we seek to know God.

Kabbalistic Tree of Life includes twenty-two pathways connecting the various “centers” (Sephiroth). These pathways are numbered 0 through 21. (The “zeroth” pathway gives it a total of 22 instead of 21 paths.)

There is a reason why, in some esoteric Judaic traditions, men were not allowed to study the Kabbalah until they were at least forty years old. It was not until then that they were potentially in a more balanced frame of mind.

Now, of course, Kabbalah studies are available to women as well as men, and to young as well as more mature adults.

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Knowing “Who We Are” Becomes More Possible As We Mature

Sometimes, we begin learning about “who we truly are” when we are young. More often, this is something that we start later in life. This is true for both women and men.

For women, the shift to asking more about ourselves ties into changes in our hormonal balance. As we go through peri-menopause and menopause, we are less driven by hormones that cause us to seek soul-satisfaction through nurturing and caring for others. And as our monthly cycles diminish, we have a calmer baseline for self-observation. Also, we begin to gain more testosterone, especially relative to our other hormonal levels. This often gives us renewed vigor for pursuing a new career, running for public office, or taking on a new area of interest.

On a similar note, as a man’s testosterone levels diminish, his hormonal balance shifts. He is now able to find greater satisfaction in bonding with others. This allows him to access the more humanly-connected aspects of his psyche, which previously were not as available to him, when he was driven by testosterone-fueled competition.

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Three Major Stages in Our Adult Life Journey

Throughout millenia, scholars and sages have used the Kabbalah to guide their inner journey. One derivative of the Kabbalah has been the Major Arcana, commonly associated with the Tarot. These Major Arcana comprise twenty-two cards, and each is associated with a significant human archetype: an aspect of who we are, an important step in personal growth, or a key event.

These twenty-two Major Arcana cards correspond to the twenty-two pathways connecting the Sephiroth in the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, and to the twenty-two letters in the Hebrew alphabet). However, without going deeply into Kabbalistic studies, we can see how some scholars have organized the Major Arcana to describe our “adult life journey.”

The first Major Arcana (Card 0) is called the Fool. This does not mean a “foolish person.” Nor is it like the “Fool” in medieval courts. Rather, it suggests that when we start our adult life-journey in some depth, we are open-ended, optimistic, and a little bit naive. We are willing to go wherever our journey takes us, and are light-hearted and carefree.

Once we set apart the Fool as our starting point, we are left with twenty-one Major Arcana. We can group these naturally and straightforwardly into three sets of seven cards each, as shown in the layout above.

We can see that each set of seven deals with a different kind of “life theme.” In this discussion, I use the names given by Rachel Pollack, in Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom.

  • The Worldly Sequence: We are still very involved in the world, and in our roles in the world. This is our opportunity to cultivate aspects of “who we are” that have not received much attention up until now.
  • Turning Inwards: We begin to realize that our various “roles” in the world are still not completely satisfying, and go much deeper into ourselves.
  • The Great Journey: This is a time of great discovery and transformation. If successfully concluded, we begin to create the greatest work of our lives, fully realizing our purpose for being.

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Our Experience of Our “Adult Life Stages” May Not Always Be in Linear Order

Just because our “adult life stages” have a logical order does not mean that we always have that simple, straightforward progression in our lives. This is because our lives are now very complex.

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Now, more than ever, the various aspects of our “life-journey” are brought together in a kaleidoscope-like manner; we are often experiencing aspects or fragments of each of our major life-journey aspects in new and unsettling ways.

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Our Experience of Our “Adult Life Stages” May Not Always Be in Linear Order

Just because we often seem to be having lots of different “life stage experiences” all at once, doesn’t mean that we’ve lost all sense of order and balance. There is often a sort of “local order.” This means, some of these major steps or experiences do connect with each other.

The challenge for us in these times is that just as in a hologram, there is a lot of information – many patterns – contained within each small aspect of our lives.

In a previous blog, I called this a “holographic” experience of our archetypes.

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Autostereograph – the 2D image on the bottom is recreated as a 3D representation. Work done by Fred Hsu. Used with permission.

There are still aspects of our life-journey stages that stay connected, even when the overall picture seems fractured and disordered. This is because in many cases, one life-journey aspect leads naturally to another, and then perhaps to a third. There are natural connections that make some aspects of our personal growth at least a little – if not predictable, then – meaningful.

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Resources for Understanding in Unveiling: The Inner Journey

In Unveiling: The Inner Journey, I address each of these three different life-stages.

The Worldly Sequence: Archetypes and Integration

  • The Core Power Archetypes: Chapter 7, “A Real Woman’s Path (Really Does Exist!)”
  • Shifting Between Archetypes and Integration: Chapter 11, “Shifting State”

Turning Inwards

  • Discovering Inner Strength in Quietness: Chapter 9, “The Essence of Stillness”
  • Becoming Aware of Inner Processes: Chapter 10, “In Our Bodies”
  • Becoming Aware of How Our Bodies Have Held Emotional Pain, Starting the Release Work: Part IV, Chapters 14 – 16, “Locking Our Minds,” “Softening,” and “Unsticking”
  • Reframing How We Live Our Lives: Part V, “The Ritual,” Chapters 17 – 21
  • Creating and Using Intrinsic Vital Energy, or Ch’i: Part VI, especially Chapter 26, “Unveiling: Selective Revelation,” and Chapter 29, “Pragmatic Esoterics.”

The Great Journey: Everything “Comes Apart” and Comes Back Together

  • Our “Dark Journey”: Chapters 27 & 28, “Letting Go: The Inanna Story” and “Going Deeper,” respectively.
  • Victory at Last: Chapters 30 & 31, “Releasing Passion” and “For All of Us (Spiral Pathworking),” respectively.

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You can read the Table of Contents, along with the Introduction and first chapter of Unveiling using Amazon’s “Look Inside” feature. You can obtain either a trade paper or Kindle version of Unveiling through Amazon.

 

 

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Subsequent blogposts will organize the blog material written thus far according to the “three life stages” identified here. The majority of the posts written over the past year concentrate on one or another of the six Core Power Archetypes identified in the first adult life journey, called the Worldly Sequence.

The next blogpost will overview the Worldly Sequence, identify each of the six Core Power Archetypes (along with the two “reserve” or “battery-power” archetypes), and discuss integration – the final step in this sequence.

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