Dark Lords, Castles, and Windswept Heights: Why Woman Love “Romance Novels”

About a month ago, I read one of Christine Feehan’s (by now incredibly popular, but brand-new to me) “Dark Series” novels. The standard yummy stuff: a “dark prince,” who is of course “a dominant male.” (How novel!)

Much more recently, I’ve come across Lynsay Sand’s novels; Scottish lairds in the highlands, more castles. (And she also does a vampire-series, just to feed our taste for blood. Haven’t read any of those yet.) And of course, the male lead is (once more) a “dominant male.”

In our fantasy lives, we’d rather have windswept moors, craggy peaks, stern dark castles – and stern, dark men! A strong counterpart to days spent in office cubicles with overhead fluorescent lighting, hmm?

We are so completely wrapped up in these novels! As blogger Bookworm Kristal put it, “I couldn’t explain it, I couldn’t understand how I … in one book, ONE book I was hooked! I poured over this book for hours…. At work, on my breaks, at red lights in my car, I even remember reading some of the book while folding a load of laundry!”

But what is it that we really want? Surely not to exchange the comfort of microwaveable meals and clean bathrooms with their white porcelain fixtures and “squeezable” toilet paper for the charms of haggis meals and smelly privies. All the “Dark Lord”-ishness in the world can’t compete with some comfort and clean sanitation.

So what is it that we really want?

Our “Dark Prince” – whether Scottish laird or vampire lord – is really just a foil for our own deepest desires. What we really want is to get out of our Amazon role (for at least a little while) and go into full-blown Hathor – our inner “Love and Pleasure Goddess.” That is, we desire to experience our full emotional range. We desire to let our emotions build up, crest, and break through our own walls, spill over the dams, and sweep us away.

That’s right. We don’t want the man to sweep us away as much as we desire to let our own emotions surge through and carry us over the edge.

Really, when we get right down to it, it’s about what is going on inside ourselves.

The masculine role, in these stories, is to provide structure and form. We provide the energy and the unleashing. It’s as though we become a great river, and the man becomes the channel through which we flow. Our desire is to let our emotions run wild, complete, and free – without having to censor, monitor ourselves, or hold ourselves back all the time. In these stories, the lead male allows us (vicariously) to experience this release.

Real life, of course, is a little different.

Most men can’t provide this kind of structure – the decisiveness, the clarity, let’s call it the leadership – against which we can relax our own boundaries. Some can, but even so, most men are afraid of our emotional cresting.

And so we find ourselves confronting – all too often – men who are lacking in leadership, inner strength, and character. Then, among those (few) who have these qualities, there is often a fear – almost a panic, even – when we do release our emotions. So we have learned to rein ourselves in.

Men wonder, then, why we don’t release to them sexually.

For them, it’s sex. It’s a tension release, and a chance to recharge.

For us, it is a much more connected experience. Sex and emotions blend and blur together. What we desire is release – both emotional and orgasmic. We all too often don’t find this with men, and wind up bottling ourselves up.

The solution? We cultivate our own inner Amazon, and create our own “structures” and “channels,” against which we can surge and flow. We carry out the release that we desire – within ourselves.

Sometimes, we use dance to reach into this realm of expression. Sometimes, we find some other creative passion that serves. We treasure and nurture our inner Hathor; we find time for her, and we shower her with the attention that she craves and deserves.

We model the kinds of behavior that we desire from others by treating ourselves the way we would love to have others treat us. And oh yes, this is scary. But it’s the only way through.

And as for men? We give them a little time and space. We reward them for good behavior. We allow them to grow into being that which they truly can be.

P.S. Enjoy learning about our inner dynamics – as expressed through the plotlines of romance novels? Read Chapter 3, “Bedtime Stories for Grown-Up Girls” in Unveiling: The Inner Journey. Order it through Amazon today!